Just another day at the Post Office (But only in New York)

I enjoy my little walk to the P.O. when i need to pick up a package, buy or deliver something. it's an interesting neighborhood. I hear on the average of 6-9 languages spoken, which is kinda cool to me and it inspired my current walk/run challenge to myself.

     So , I get there today to pick up something (yes, I have the proper slip) and the minute I walk in, I hear some lady at a window screamin' at the top of her lungs about God knows what ("that woman came out here and put her hands on me!" was about all i could make out) suddenly, she starts down the long line of people, 10-12 waitin in the regular line (there is a money order/pick up only line, thankfully) and starts sayin "fuck you" and "fuck you", pointing to these folks, who as far as I could tell, had nothin' to do with whatever predicament she happened to be in. Then she turns to me and says "and what the fuck you lookin' at?" fuck you too!" I rather innocently said, " didn't do nothin" to which she replied "well fuck you anyway!" 

     Now I'd already had kind of a frustrating day, it was about 4:40pm (which, I have found, is normally a good time to go to the Post Office near where I live, just apparently not today). Well, something snapped a little in my mind so I started grinning, kinda looked at her (she was big enough to cause some major damage, let alone eat a house) and sheepishly said "you're not my type"......a few people in line started giggling, she was beyond the humor of it and she started screaming and flailing her bag around like she was goin' after me (honestly, i was scared shitless! "Hell hath no fury" and all) and at that point two policemen walked in (Whew!) They could not get her to calm the fuck down and eventually handcuffed her and escorted her out, all while she's screamin' at all of us! I really don't want to know what went wrong before I walked in, but it was just another day at the Post Office.....i think .....

M.Lanning 4/29/11

A few words (or more) about Phoebe.....

     I had the extreme pleasure of meeting/hanging with Phoebe Snow twice. The first time my band, Jiva, was working with Donovan on his debut album for Atlantic Records with the famous Jerry Wexler producing and the now famous Barry Beckett, associate producing (both now deceased, bless their rockin' souls!). I was in the lunch room at Cherokee Studios in LA, having a snack and in walks Phoebe with her lunch and sits right down next to me! She was working on another record after her huge hit "Poetry Man" in '75 (I'm uncertain which record she was working on at the time....it was late '76) and wanted to know all about what I was doing there. What impressed me about her right away was that she wanted to know about what I was doing! I told her, with great excitement, that I was working on Don's new album for Atlantic with Jerry Wexler. One thing led to another and she came into the studio to say hey to everyone, including Donovan. The next time I saw her was many years later.
     It was late September, 2004. My oldest son, Ian, had just passed away from testicular cancer (that's a whole other blog, as soon as I can get up the courage to write about it) and I had just returned from his wake in Malibu, Ca. and jumped right into work (believe me, I needed the distraction) on an amazing rock opera written by my dear friends to this day, Justin Murphy and Roger Butterley entitled "Fallen Angel". We were slated to do a staged reading at The Bay Street Theatre in Sag Harbor and had about a week to put it all together. Now I knew that Roger had been working with Phoebe as her Guitarist/Music Director. What I didn't know was that Phoebe herself was going to be a special guest on the Fallen Angel project, singing a beautiful song to open the 2nd act at The Bay St. Theatre! I was thrilled since I had always loved Phoebe's unique, soulful sound.
     Phoebe could not make any of the rehearsals (If I'm not mistaken, she had just reconnected with her father who was dying....corrections are welcomed and appreciated) but was just gonna show up and sing the song at our presentation. The weekend comes for the reading and the whole cast was staying in this huge house with a hot tub. Angel soup, as it was dubbed by Wendi, Roger's wife. The day comes and I learn to my disappointment that Phoebe doesn't really want to "hang out" with the cast, assumably because of what she was going through. Now I had told Roger and Wendi of my previous run in with Phoebe so I was elected to lead her, in the dark, to the stage to sing her song. I went in early to talk her through where we were going and had worked it out that so I could find my way, in the dark, to lead her to the stage. I noticed that she had been crying and said to her, "I  doubt you remember me, but I do know what your going through" and she said "how do you mean?" I told her all about how we had shared a lunch together years ago, then I shared the fact that my son had just passed away very recently and had in fact, just returned from California from his wake. "How can you even get through this? How are you even here?" she asked and broke down crying all over again, came over and hugged me hard (I am in tears as I write this) and said, and I quote, "if you can do this, I can". When it came time to lead her out, I helped her find the stage and she tore the house down with that song. I was crying my eyes out while she was singing, thinking at the time, "great! I have to follow that!", since my song was directly after hers, not to mention the moment we had just shared backstage. That's the memory I will forever have in my heart about Phoebe. God loves you, Phoebe. Of this I am certain. I will leave you all with this quote:
"God doesn't give you great things.....He asks great things of you".....and I KNOW that he has asked of you great things, Phoebe. God rest your beautiful soul. M.Lanning 4/26/11

How I met one of the the creators of Rolling Stone, my journalistic idol, and had one of the worst musical experiences of my career on the same night

We've all been in fucked up situations where, for one reason or another, you can't say or do shit about it! You just have to live through it. Watch it unfold, so to speak. This is a fairly fresh memory of one of those situations that happened to me about 3-4 years ago. (believe me, if i could wipe my memory slate clean of this one, that woulda happened the moment i walked out that door....some shit is just unbearably unforgettable).

     I have been a loyal fan of my favorite magazine, Rolling Stone, since it's infancy and it's co-founder, Jann Wenner. We kinda grew up together. Imagined myself on the "cover" as all teeny bopper rock n' rollers used to and probably still do to this day. Them not me. Still have a subscription and have most of my teenage and adult life. I have watched them grow and change with the times. One of my big regrets is dumping a huge (I mean HUGE!) box full of old RS Mags in a fit of anger while my first marriage was dissolving. OK. Point taken. Huge fan of RS and it's co-founder/editor, Jann Wenner.

     So, I used to work for this very fine organization which provides high end musical talent for high end clients. Some of their clients have included major CEO's weddings, their daughter and son's weddings, Bar Mitzvahs, anniversaries and such. Anywhere from a 10 piece to an 18 piece band, nothing but some of the best players and singers in NYC. For over 8 years I was honored to be working with such an amazing group of talented folks, And the coin didn't suck. And when you're tryin' to make a living in NYC, I suppose it's a damn sight better to learn 10 songs-you'll-never-get-to-sing-but-you-have-to-learn-them-anyway-just-in-case-because-they're-on-the-list (ugh!) rather then, "would you like whip cream with that sir?" or playing for change in the subway. Which i did. Just once. Just to see what it was like, i swear!!

Whatever. 

      Anyway, the last couple of those years got a little rough with some of us having to make video audition tapes to get gigs, which, of course, led to the live audition. More and more. Yup!! Gather everyone available, learn a list of songs some spoiled brat wants to hear while dancing with his/her first divorce and if your lucky enough, you get the gig!  For less money. Some of those gigs were the most nightmarish of all!! Big surprise. Imagine a wedding planner (THE most neurotic people i have ever had the displeasure of interacting with)  or a random drunk coming up constantly, asking for the same goddamn song OVER AND OVER!! Or being told to turn down 100 times (I remember one particularly distasteful experience, playing Fred Weller's wedding, Peter Weller of Robocop fame's brother....the stepfather of the bride had the brilliant idea of stickin a bunch of old ladies in the front.....kept tellin us to "turn the fuck down!", as he put it.....at one point, after the 4th time, I'm literally at the mixing board trying, yet again, to "turn the fuck down" and he comes up and yells at me! "turn it down! I'm not fuckin' around here".....at that point the salad was already making more noise then we were! (to this day, if I see that guy on the street, he better pray he’s on the other side and has a running start!) BUT! I digress......and as i've said before....this. is. my. blog. 

     How to describe a total, living nightmare? Well, to start, I was sent, via email, a list of songs to learn and was told we were auditioning for Jann Wenner and his family. I called the bandleader right away and asked "do you mean THE Jann Wenner? Of Rolling Stone fame?" he said yes and at the time i remember thinking "not the best of circumstances in which to meet an icon, but I'll take it". Besides, the list of songs was cool and eclectic. From Dylan to Black Sabbath back to Johnny Cash. Now again, this is an audition, so you don't get paid. But you still have to do the work to land the gig. 

        OK, a week later at some soundstage on the Westside, I arrive early and low and behold most of the Wenner family is there as well, with Mr. Wenner walking in just a few minutes later. I actually got the courage to strike up a conversation with Jann Wenner. I told him how much I loved RS, how long I’ve been a fan and lately how much I’ve been enjoying Matt Taibbi’s hysterically insightful reporting. We were getting on rather well, if i do say so myself. This is while others in the band are showing up and I’m doin’ my best to introduce them while they’re on their way to the platform stage to set up and in walks Morrie, one of the co-owners of the company I’m there to represent (Morrie, will call him that.....some names will be changed to protect the guilty) So Morrie right away starts acting like, and honestly, this is the only way i can describe it, a Poodle who pees on the rug when company comes over. Some of you know that type of excitement. He starts barraging both Jann and his wife and the son about God knows what because i get called over to the bandstand by the band leader (a great freakin’ guitar player and still consider a friend to this day, let’s just say, he gets it!) Well, the bandleader says there has been a line up change and the girl who was gonna sing the Aretha stuff can’t make it. She’s got a real gig. I happened to really dig this gal, we really got on and she could wail, but then i got told who was replacing her at the last minute.....well....let’s just say i was less then ecstatic......

To describe this woman brings the word “diva” to mind but I’d rather not besmirch the word “diva”. She came rollin on in, bigass sunglasses (it was night time) with a huge racooney lookin coat on and was as loud as any woman I have ever heard......ever.....

     Now, the one thing i do remember being told (ingrained into the head, rather) was what they DIDN’T want...no holla back (when i say boo, you say baa), no “playing to them” and if you are gonna do any Aretha Franklin, for God’s sake, just do it like Aretha....no breakdowns, nothin. It’s Jann Freakin Wenner, for Christ’s sake!! He knows the Queen of Soul personal like!!!

     So all my shit goes pretty much as planned (Dylan, Cash and Van Morrison), Then comes The Duchess Of Dope’s turn....and what does she do? (face in my hands, head turning slowly, no, my God no!) She proceeds to ignore the memo and stand on the woofer in front of the stage and starts engaging the whole family in a call and response “when I say ‘re’, you say ‘spect!” Jann Wenner walks right out of the room (uh.....nice meetin' ya’, Mr. Wenner?) It retrogressed wonderfully from there.

     We stumbled through whatever the rest of whatever The Carnival Queen was suppose to sing, butchered the Black Sabbath number (by that time everyone on “the audition” was so fuckin’ dumbfouned, we were lucky get through the rest of the set) The rest of the Wenner clan were very polite, apologized and explained that Jann “had a meeting to go to” hence rushing out the door the way he did.

We didn’t get the gig.

Sometimes i think (and here’s a Lanningism for ya’):

"If the world is my oyster, why is it stuck in the shell?"

( http://lanningisms.spreadshirt.com/ )

Things very rarely work out the way you think, “but if you try sometimes, you get what you need”.....(thanks Mick and Keith)

“All You Need Is Love” (thanks Beatle guys) M. Lanning 4/24/11

Now I'm a little pissed.....and wondering, should i post this?

Re: title of this blog....I've never been without the gift of poetry (or so an old friend, a world renown psychic, told me, rest his beautiful soul)......Anyhoo.....
You'd think that some people had the courtesy, nay, the courage to pick up their phone and at the very least, text to you that they are not coming to a small gathering of friends, albeit planned on short notice. It's just a text. For Christ's sake, I find out from a mutual friend, in an offhanded sorta way! And this gathering was for someone we haven't seen in 3 years....i don't understand people sometimes, so my prayer to the Universe is this: please help me to understand people in a more constructive way and forgive them their small transgressions as i hope they will forgive mine. That's paraphrasing from The Lord's Prayer, by the way.....a powerful prayer if you say it right.....for instance, according to the original Aramaic (the language that Jesus spoke) it is "leave us not in temptation" not "lead us not into temptation"! Why would the Lord Thy God "lead you into temptation?" Unless you are assuming that the very nature of our reality, at least on this plane of existence, is dualistic by it's very nature? (check out the book by Dr. Rocco A. Errico, "Setting A Trap For God, The Aramaic Prayer Of Jesus" it translates the original prayer back into Aramaic for a unique understanding of the words)
        But I digress....and i can do just that because this is my blog!....but i'm not as pissed, now that i write about this incident. I guess i shouldn't be too surprised. After all, this was the same person who tried to break up with his girlfriend via text! i called this person the very next day while waiting for a plane to take me to SoCal and told this human they were kinda chickenshit crazy and just might be missing out on the love of their life! Of course, a few years later i tried to remind this same person about my phone call, they couldn't remember me making it!!! Lord make me an instrument of thy peace and help, at least my memory, not be so selective! Happy Easter!......Sun. April 24th 2011
PS: Said couple is expecting they're first child and i could not be happier for them! So much for bein' pissed....it's always temporary anyway.....breathe, Lanning, breathe!

Well!!??....

Here it is....my blog....what to say, what to say? I'll start by saying breathe in "I" and breathe out "Am"....that's a good start.....Be. Here. Now. I am a very proud parent, a proudly egalitarian progressive, and I see the World and this Universe as a living organism. "Be Here Now" by Baba Ram Dass (Richard Alpert) would be a great book to pick up if you wanted to know how my "awakening" started for me. This "awareness" thing. I also highly recommend Googling Prem Rawat, my spiritual instructor, if you are so inclined. I am also an empath, and i say that as guilelessly as possible, since I've also been known to be highly insensitive. But, how would you know one without the other? Works in progress, aren't we all? I make my living as an "emotional communicator".....good work, when you can get it! And I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite poets:
"To be nobody but 
yourself in a world 
which is doing its best day and night to make you like 
everybody else means to fight the hardest battle 
which any human being can fight and never stop fighting." 
— E.E. Cummings
So, of course, if I am pissed, you're gonna hear about that as well...... :o)