happy me

happy me
"I'm not pissed yet"

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

My Voice vs. “The Voice” (or the Non-dition)


"Lanning has an impressive Mack truck of a voice.He's an experienced rock and studio singer-imagine an uncanny grafting of Springsteen and Joe Cocker." -- Orange County Register

"Michael has the voice I wish I had". -- Composer Frank Wildhorn

"Michael Lanning is simply one of the best singers on the planet...period." -- Dave Clemmons, of WeepingElvis.com and NYC casting director

“The most soulful white man on the planet!” 
My Trans-Siberian Orchestra Introduction for 6 years on tour with them (we helped build that railroad, the original West coasties and I, but that's another whole blog!)

These are just some of the many accolades I’ve received over the years as a vocalist.

I’m gonna tell a story that’s even hard for me to believe, but, here goes.
After the closing of my second show on Broadway “Bonnie And Clyde” in late December, 2011, I was very upset and depressed, needless to say. It was also the very first time I ever had vocal problems in performances. I was normally known as “The Chords of Steel” throughout my career and it turns out I had a virus on my vocal chords for almost two weeks and had to call out of the show 6 times. This had never happened to me before, not to mention during the show’s opening night I was at about 30%. The Stage Manager finally convinced me to take some time off of the show. By the time I was 100%, we found out we were closing in 2 weeks! BITCHEN!!

I heard about a new show being cast called “The Voice” where, apparently, it didn’t matter how old you were (unlike “American Idol”, for they like control over their talent and so they pick them young). I really thought nothing of it except that 3 different times, 3 different people implored me to audition for this new show. Sometimes I accept messages from “The Universe” that come in 3s (I know, what’s a guy living in the 3 dimensional construct we all assume is reality supposed to assume?) Anyway, I took their advice and filled out the necessary forms online to audition for the show.

Several weeks later I got an email saying that my form had been accepted. It turns out that a friend from Connecticut, Kevin Knight, was going to the audition as well and he asked that if he drove down to go, could he crash at my place? I said sure, and he came in the night before the audition. He was also kind enough to go with me to my audition to keep me company, since his wasn’t until the next day.
“The Voice” audition was being held at The Javitz Center here in NYC, almost right across from the first Apt. I lived in Midtown. We took the subway into Midtown from my place in Astoria and as we walked up around 10 am there was already a line around the block that we could see no end of, so walked to the back of the line. It literally went around a long block and back around to the front of The Javitz Center! Foolishly we couldn’t see the end of the line from where we walked up from and walked the long way around. The line crawled along for SEVEN HOURS in 39 degree weather. (it was February). When we finally checked into the center, Kevin waited in the lobby for me and we were all herded into a very large room with 600 people sitting in 6 different 100 chair areas. We waited for another hour or so while one by one, each of those 100 people got up and went to a bunch of rooms that held 10 auditioners each. When it finally came for my group’s turn we walked into one of the many rooms and one by one, a cappella, (without accompaniment) we sang for some 24 year old intern lookin’ dude, who would barely look up from his laptop. I was number 7 out of the ten and roared a rendition of “Try A Little Tenderness” by Otis Redding. Sang the absolute shit out of the song. The intern lookin’ dude NEVER looked up from his laptop and when the rest of the last 3 did their tunes, he calmly said, “You’re all free to go. We won’t be needing any of you today.” If there was one time I wish I could’ve killed someone and either gotten away with it, or at least went to jail with a smile on my face, that intern lookin’ motherfucker would be dead. I was flummoxed and in shock! It didn’t hit me until we were on the subway home that I might have wasted several hours, let alone a whole day with that bullshit!!
I have NO IDEA what The Universe was trying to tell me. Maybe nothing at all. Maybe Jackshit! I still don’t know to this day. I feel as though I’ve been on a losing streak ever since. Will that stop me?? FUCK NO!
Damn the torpedos! On with the show! (just not THAT one)
M. Lanning 11/05/14




Thursday, September 18, 2014

School Daze or “Papa don’t take no mess!”


     Let me first start by saying that most of my time in school, both my brother and I got no end of bullying all throughout school. Never one to back down from a fight (except for a few years after I smashed my nose and face into reconstructive surgery falling off a homemade skateboard when I was 9 and could not bring myself to hit someone else in the face...that’s a whole other blog and I got over that by the end of Jr. High)
I hate bullies with a passion. So much so that even now, I will get in the middle of something that is not really my business, if it’s 2 or 3 against one.
That being said.....
My oldest son Ian had spent his first year in middle school (A. E. Wright) in the same district as Josh and Lauren. since Ian had changed schools several times since kindergarten, I thought it important he stay in the same district with his brother and sister, not to mention the friends he'd made, for the sake of stability. My 2nd wife had other ideas. There was a school near our house within walking distance called Hale Middle School (we later named it "Hell" Jr High because of its reputation). My wife and I fought all summer long about Ian going to that school. She wanted to use Ian as kind of a "guinea pig" for Josh and Lauren. Never mind he'd changed school districts more than the other two combined, which was not at all! By the time  Ian was in 2nd grade, he'd changed schools AND districts 4 times! Sure enough, my wife won the "war of attrition" (she was an expert at it!) and Ian ended up in "Hell". About 3-4 weeks in, he was getting bullied by 3 kids on a daily basis and would not talk about it, except to Josh, who was horrible at keeping secrets and told me. On one particular day, they bloodied his nose (almost breaking it) by smashing it on his desk as he was leaving. I took up the argument yet again with my wife and she had this "wait and see" BS attitude. Meanwhile, my poor little guy was going to school afraid every day.
       A week or so later, Ian was not where he was normally supposed to be for me to pick him up. I drove down Platt Ave. to see if he'd started walking home and there he was, walking as fast as he could, the "three little shits" 10-20 yards behind him. I pulled the van over with Josh in tow and told him to wait in the car. Ian took one look at me and tried to say something. I just told him to get in the van while I waited for these little fuckers to walk up to me. I got directly in their faces and said, "Are you the little snots that bloodied Ian's nose and won't leave him alone?". I could see the fear in their eyes as they admitted doing so. I told them, "I know who your parents are, I know where you live (I didn't really know either of those things, but I was beyond pissed and on a roll!) and I swear to God, if you even LOOK at Ian funny and I find out about it, I will come to your houses, grab your fathers and kill them in front of you in your own kitchen! ARE WE CLEAR?" (one was nearly in tears and I didn't give one fuck, for I was furious and PAPA DON'T TAKE NO MESS!) The kids, fearing for their lives, nodded yes and promised me they wouldn't bother him again. I waited for my significant other to get home, loaded for bear (usually when i'm loaded for bear, I end up shooting squirrels!), told her what had happened and then TOLD her that Ian would be back at A. E. Wright, end of fucking story! Within 2 weeks he was back at his old school as happy as could be! Those little shits could've been dead that very day had I not shown real restraint!
PS: Just a short disclaimer...I DO NOT condone this behavior for parents in the  least, it's just that I was so incredibly frustrated at the time and I love my children passionately!

M. Lanning 9/18/14