Ian’s First Trip to Dizzyland (0r how to terrorize a 3 year old)

       When My first wife, Adrian, was 7 1/2 months pregnant with our daughter Lauren, we decided it was time for our son Ian’s first trip to Disneyland. It was a perfect So. California day and we entered the Magic Kingdom all aglow and excited for our 3 year old “little man”, our nickname for him.

The very first ride we went on was “The Peter Pan” ride. No sooner then we get in the little ship and Peter says “And away we go!” the whole ride comes to a screeching halt, the lights go up. Mechanical failure. The entire illusion ruined. Ian was really confused and A and I were looking at each other like “Is this the way it’s gonna go today?” We told Ian that something had to be fixed and soon we were on our way. Then it was time for “Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride” which Ian enjoyed very much.

The next ride we went on was “Autopia”, the little gas powered, pollution emitting cars you drive through this winding course. Ian insisted on at least wanting to steer and since he couldn’t reach the pedals, I reached them myself and we were on our way. (At this point, Adrian was on the sidelnes a lot because of her pregnancy). Well Ian kept driving us into the sides of the little “autopia” road, this way, then that, all while the car behind us kept smashing into ours,which only served to upset Ian more and more. I could barely contain my amusement from his frustration! He kept getting more and more upset until he was almost in tears, poor little guy! 

We then headed over to “The Mad Hatter’s Tea Cup” ride. Adrian stayed on the sidelines, but close enough to watch. Ian and I got on and it started to go around and I was making the tea cup twirl, which I had to stop because Ian complained of geting dizzy.

       As we were going ‘round and ‘round, Ian kept screaming at his mom and I could not make out what he was saying. As it turns out, Adrian was laughing harder and harder and I didn’t understand why. Apparently, Ian was yelling things like, “I wanna get off thi....”, “I don’t like this at al...” and “Make this sto...” and every phrase would trail off, leaving Adrian in stitches! We got off the ride and A was laughning so hard she had to sit down! I seriously thought she was going into hysterical apoplexy or early labor! She finally told me what was so funny through her laughter (Ian not thinking it was funny at all only made it funnier!) and we laughed about it for years to come. 

        The rest of the day we avoided any ride that might cause our little man stress (The Matterhorn and such) and stuck to “The Lincoln Exhibit” “It’s a Small World” and the “Sky Ride”, which Ian was a little afraid of at first, but ended up really enjoying (I guess it’s how you present it to a child by pointing out the wonder). He enjoyed all the other rides that weren’t “E Ticket” rides (some of you will know what I mean, please explain it to those that don’t!) the Penny Arcade, the food and he met Mickey, Minnie , Goofy and Cinderella and the rest of the day had a great time. He even wanted to come back soon! 

       To this day, I can’t think of that “Tea Cup” experience without literally laughing out loud! Poor little man!

God, how I miss my boy.

M. Lanning 3/8/2013

“Hey Mark!” (Or baseball and my sorely exposed lack of talent for sports)

       Some of my fondest, earliest sports memories growing up was watching the displaced Brooklyn Dodgers become the Los Amgeles Dodgers and play on our black and white television at the LA Coliseum and later at Dodger Stadium.

I wanted so badly to be a slugger, like Duke Snyder, or even better, a “southpaw” pitcher like the great Sandy Koufax. I had absolutely NO TALENT for any sports whatsoever, no matter how I tried. It was heartbreaking but true and I idolized kids that did. I even idolized my younger brother Billy, (younger by only 13 months) who seemed to have plenty of talent for whatever game he played.

I was 10 years old and my bother was 9 when we both tried out for Little League baseball. Back then you had to earn your way onto a team or get sent down to a “farm team” (that’s right, our Little League had farm teams where you could hone your skills, if you had any to begin with). Not everyone got a trophy for just showing up. My brother made it and i didn’t. I didn’t even make a farm team. I was devastated and there was no end to the teasing and got into plenty of fights over not even being picked as even a farm team player! (I had already done my 2nd show at San Bernardino Civic Light Opera, “The Music Man” and heard a lot of “Hey Lanning! Where’s your tutu?”) After several black eyes and scrapes I resigned myself to watching my brother play every week. I still had so much passion for the game and was proud my brother did so well so young. (he was put in center field and I remember him making a catch over the fence that was pretty much uncatchable!)

There was this kid on an opposite team by the name of Mark Paulis who was “THAT” kid. He was the kid that got the good grades, was great at any sport and all the girls liked him. THAT KID. Everyone wanted to be friends with Mark and he was a decent type and fairly gracious, given his stature, not to mention a couple years older than me. When you’re that young, a even two years seems like a lifetime.

One night my brother Billy’s team was playing Mark’s team and while I was getting a snow cone, Mark was up to bat. The concession stand was fairly close to Mark’s team’s dugout and I had just bought the snow cone and turned around when Mark hit a home run way over the fence! As he was rounding the bases and touching home plate I was standing right next to the entrance of his dugout! He was headed straight for me! I sooo wanted to say something cool to Mark. And what did I yell out??? “HEY MARK! NICE TRY!” (WTF!!??) He looked at me as though I had 3 heads and I wanted to melt like the snow cone I just bought!! IDIOT! Stupid! stupid! I walked away in abject horror and shame, knowing that Mark and I would NEVER be friends.

Well, things change and when my High School/College band, Tolbekin, was the big fish in the local Inland Empire pond (the pretentious name for the Riverside/San Bernardino general area). We played all the big gigs around the area (proms, dances, store openings with bubble gum contests, you know, the big time!) Mark loved our band, we became friends, despite my 10 year old blunderbuss of stupid and occasionally he’d show up at one of our gigs. We’d be taking a 15 minute break and he’d saunter over to the stage and say, “Hey Lanning! Nice try!” 

<Sigh>